K so I saw the old 1989 Pet Semetary but to tell you the truth, old movies bore me. What used to be scary for old people is not scary for young people. We don’t have kids. We can barely afford pets. We’ll never be able to afford a house. We’re not skinny- we all stress eat. We’re not white, most of us have melanin. Our neighbors aren’t old creepy men who engage in the occult, our neighbors are old creepy men who sexually harass women.
I know that Stephen King’s writing may be freaky, and way back when, this movie may have been scary. To tell you the truth, it’s not going to be scary if you grew up in the last 25 years. In fact, you could totally just play this movie in the background if you’re planning on having a cute date cuddle up to you for a Netflix and Chill typa night. It’s not actually scary, it’s not interesting, and you guys can fuck through the scary parts.
Unfortunately, there are definitely some gory bits, no titties and the death of a toddler, so it’s not a completely sexy movie. Sorry.
Pet Semetary is streaming on Netflix. Duh.